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| Starting fresh!!!
NEW BLOG
http://nekorine.tumblr.com/
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Spring has finally came and greet me. The blossoms have bloomed, the sun sets a little later.
Yet I am still running the race like a mouse in a cage getting nowhere, but I'm trying to forge ahead.
Eager to please, trying to be what they need, but I'm so very tired and miserable, I've stopped trying to
find any peace in my mind, because it will just tangle the wires even more...
Their sounds tires me, my voice just rest on my lips, unable to speak and covered in the sea of sounds.
My voice then slowly fade away into forgetting. I no longer know who I am, how I was. I miss my old persona.
I no longer function the way I use to. Because of a simple person. Who intoxicated my mind, myself.
I don't want mudslinging games anymore.
The sun rises in the east, rising for the beasts, as I am sleeping with ease
and for the beauties, they haunt me at night while I sleep as I snivel.
In my sleep, I built myself a castle on the beach, watching as it slid into the sea
watching the sad tangerine drop in the ocean, watching the white sun appear with kindness and sympathy.
Warming my frozen heart up with her cold light rays. She could not warm me up, she tries, she cries,
the stars are like her tears as for the clouds are to cover
her sadness away, like how I cover mine.
I look at myself in the reflection of the ink coloured waters, and think, Who am I? What am I? What am I to anyone? And who am I to me?
I say to my reflection, the better looking self of myself
"I know, I know I've let you down, I've been a fool to myself, I thought that I could live for no one else, but now through all the hurt and pain
It's time for me to respect the ones you love mean more than anything."
I wish that I could turn back time. It all returns to nothing, it all comes tumbling down. It all returns to nothing I just keep letting me down.
I weep again, and again, the droplets falls gently into the ocean, a goldfish rises up the surface
he tells me "Please don't cry, I know that we're different, we were one microscopic organisms in the sea in the beginning
and what we're made of was all the same once, we're not that different after all. No, we're not."
I open my eyes, the gentle sting of the suns ray in my eyes as they slowly rose up. I lay awake, under a spot in the shade. Looking at the trees
dancing with the wind, the sun as the limelights. I lay under the spot, surrounded by valerians. The soft texture, the small white flowers with a tint of red
like rosie cheeks, smiles at me.
Oh poetic beauty they sing
Oh poetic beauty, never cry never cry, poetic beauty if you cry you will drown in your own tears, oh poetic beauty, those tears are pure tears, they are full of pain
oh pain from a simple person. Never cry Poetic Beauty
never, poetic~"
But nether the less I shall cry, until I clean myself inside out, until I drown in my ocean, until you see.
Yes, until you see those tears until you understand me.
Until then, I hope you well and happy, until then, I wish, I hope, that I never lose my persona. Intoxicated I will be, but I will lock it all inside me
even if it hurts, even if it kills. I will rather hurt myself then anyone I ever loved.
Please, don't worry about me, run along, and leave me...~ not
“Your heart just breaks, that's all. But you can't
judge, or point fingers.
You just have to be lucky enough to find
someone who appreciates you.
— Audrey Hepburn | | |
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This week was a fulfilling week for me. Got of my ass to do things.
Start with Wednesday, was Karen's birthday, she got a day off from work, and YEP we went to the zoo~
It is my first time actually going to the ZOO here in Melbourne, apparently I have been to the Melbourne Zoo
when I was 8 or something. But, I really don't remember! Treated Karen a cookie at Melbourne Zoo Cafe.
To be honest, and honestly, the Cookies there is SUPER GOOD!
 
On Thursday, went out to Balaclava, where Karen works, wanted to treat her to Batch,
BUT Naomi decided to pay, so at the end I didn't even treat Karen~
After lunching with Karen and Naomi, took a stroll down Balaclava, and found these cute blue leather lace up shoes
67 bucks only, and decided to get it on Thursday~ Hopefully no one buys them until I get it! Oh how selfish of me....but oh well!
Teeheehee~
Then went into the City for a stroll down the street, met up with Yan
she needed to take photos (mug shots) for this form thing, had a somewhat D&M session with her.
Then went home~
Friday well, what did I do Friday? Oh yeah! Met up with Carmen at Caulfield for coffee, and met Ivan for the
very first time! LOL he was quiet... I think he thinks I am a spastic woman!
Then went into the City, bought really nice paper at Il Papiro, super expesive letter paper, but really good quality
then went to buy A4 cardboard paper for cards.
Then went home, read about Philosophy to get myself ready for next year philosophy class!
I don't want to fail anything AGAIN!
Saturday woke up at a okay early time. Ate breakfast and got changed into my bike gear, and went bike riding
with Karen and Dad. Rode from Glen Huntly all the way to St.Kilda, had a little fish and chips break, then kept
going, the wind was blowing North, and it was really bad, I was going to the direction of the wind and my legs
killed just to ride. Went up hill alot, and that just drained my energy. But the trip back home was way better, the North
wind was blowing from my back, so it didn't take to much strenght. LOL I am so lazy!
The ride around the sea side was good though. Got me chilaxed, and got me thinking straight.
Listening to my nano while riding was so good! The weather was good except the north winds.
And it got me thinking and sorting things out, especially that balled up goofy stuff that had been hanging there
in my head. I even sorted out my personality problem. It wasn't my fault I fell for him, and restricted myself to act a certain
way. At least he still thinks I am weird and spastic. I have been a little to tame lately, for the past two months or so,
I haven't been myself at all, I should really go back to Old Catherine. Loud and spastic and...werid and creative.
If I am not myself I don't know how I am going to deal with everything else properly. I can't just NOT hit on all sixes just because of him.
I can't let him effect my life style either! I think I finally have the courage to tell him, if I don't tell him, I think I won't be able to get over him
I won't be able to do anything properly and I won't be myself again.
If he happens to reject my feelings, I will have a broken heart and a few tears, but I guess its better for me. And I should be able to break
the awkwardness anyway. I still want to be his good friend, and I just hope he isn't the one avoiding me after I say it to him.
This sure gives me the heebie-jeebies.. KYA!
SUNDAY!!! As in TODAY! Was making invitations for people (friends and even strangers) to my birthday on the 8th. Yes its a little early for
my birthday, but I like giving people two weeks notice. So they can cancel everything just for me.... LOL I am so selfish!
But Arjay that idiot, decided to work on my birthday, he completely forgot. I don't blame him...that loser friend of mine...jokes~
So the invitations are ace looking! And yes! That is Courtney Brims illustrations I printed them on fine grained card paper. They also smell nice too.
Courtney Brim has really nice illustrations, please visit her site! www.courtneybrims.com
And got to use my rubber stamps I got from Hong Kong and at Armadale papayrus paper store.
My alpheabet stamps by Alice in Wonderland and Paris stamps by Cavallini & Co.
 
 
Then finish making them, and guess what I found! Yep, was putting back my stamps and found my Alice's Adventure in Wonderland
daily schedule diary by Art Deco 7321! So going to use it next year! Its so cute! And vintage looking. Its hard to find rare looking schedule diaries now
days. So going to get another cute looking schedule diary when I go back to HK this year~
And just realise, just sitting here blogging, looking across my table, the two rolls of film sitting there waiting for
me to get them developed.
Took those rolls with my Holga, and it has pictures from Open House, can't wait to get them developed...when I have money,
when I get my new shoes as well LOL!
And hip hip hooray for me! Getting a new Camera for my birthday from Karen! I am getting a Golden HALF!! WOOHOO!!
I feel so RAD right now, I feel like I drank Giggle water right now, so happy and high and a bit head achey~
Can't wait for my Golden HALF!!!!
AND Can't WAIT for uni, yes I can't wait for uni right now! I probably sound like some... nerd or something, a school lover...
bahahaha
My holidays, there are days where I would rott at home, and I hate it! Can't wait for uni! I got uni practically everyday, except Thursdays~
Pretty good timetable I guess, waking up early, at 8 or 9... but I rather start early then late! First class Japanese Last class Japanese teeheehee~
I just hope this SEMESTER, I horsefeather, I must do really good this Semester! I hope I get all credits again
this coming semester! I pray to God, Jebus, Mary and even...whatever there is that please don't let me fail...AGAIN!
*pray pray pray pray pray*
Must- DO- GOOD!
Well, this is all I have for this week, pretty much! Now I feel oily, I want a shower~
Shall be off~
PS: I got to met this guy friend of Liz, his name is Tori (its Torik) on Facebook, and he slays me! Hopefully he will be coming
to my bowling party! Bahahahaha~~
“For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others;
for
beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness;
and for poise, walk with
the knowledge that you are never alone...
— Audrey Hepburn
| | |
| “I've liked you for 4 months
for 134 days
for 3,219 hours
for 193,179 minutes
for 11,590,775 seconds
My heart has beaten more than 13,522,530 times since I met you. | | |
| Right now I feel rather terrible, miserable and rather disgusting.
I wish I could shut off all my feelings. Its making me turning into someone else!
I really don't know how to say all this. Right now, I am too tired to actually explain it all...so
I'll just copy and paste what I said to Victoria.
“I am
not in ♥ right now, i am all delirious right now. And all balled up
about the person i am stuck on!
Since I gave my copacetic crush a cash
to the cheeks, a tomato friend of mine decided to tell me
that my torch has known for quite a while about me having a goofy for him for
sometime already.
But this torch really makes me feel like a sap,
if he had known for a while why hasn't he console me about it.
Is he
leading me on. I hate to think that!
Is he making a razz out of me?
If he doesn't have the interest in me, he should at least tell me, so I
could just get over it and move on!
He shouldn't let me do things to
him which will lead me to thinking of having a
little hope about it all
if he really didn't have the thing for me.
Oh techno bump me off right
now! This Beeswax is turning me into a dumb dora right now!
I am even
getting an edge from this, and I had an earful already these few days. Level with me, is there something wrong with me?
Okay
this is really killing me. I need to start hitting on all sixes and
stop all this speakeasy!
I should be jake soon enough. I just feel like
a piker for not telling the torch.
I am getting the Heebie-Jeebies
right now, and when i see the torch.
So enough of me. How are you and your big cheese?...
If you didn't understand a single thing that I have typed to Victoria, at least you get the idea.
Right now, I am really confused with all this. I really have enter the hell of romance.
It is badly tangling me with barb wires,
and I feel like I am mentally ill.
“Love can shatter the heart of even
the most hard headed girl...
— Kayee
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